Tivo HD!

I'm a HUGE TiVo fan. I've owned two of the Series 1's, two Series 2's and now have a Series 3 box that arrived today.

It took awhile to pick up the Series 3 box simply because I'm not a fan of subscription services. TiVo requires a service contract in order to download television programming information and they've been a bit reticent about offering lifetime subscriptions lately. I'm not sure why, but I much prefer handing TiVo $300 in one shot rather than the $9-12/month that their normal subscription requires. Considering we tend to keep the boxes around for quite awhile, it somehow works out in the end.

The original Series 1 that we purchased had it's modem fried by lightning. At the time, there weren't any other options available to download the guide data, so we called TiVo. They offered to transfer the lifetime subscription to a second box, so we bought one. Shortly after that, the hacking community came up with network cards that could be installed into the boxes to allow them to download their guide data over the Internet. At least one of the Series 1 boxes is still in use, garnering a new TiVo addict in the process (seriously, it's damn addictive being able to pause/rewind live TV!).

The Series 2 boxes are still with us. One is sitting unused in a closet of the computer room, soon to be pressed into service. The other is connected to the TV in the bedroom. It's got a DVD burner on it, so Lynn can record shows and burn 'em to disk for people at work.

The new Series 3 box is connected to the big flat panel in the entertainment room, just waiting for the cards to be installed.

TiVo, as a company, hasn't ever really done as well as it should (especially for all the money I've given them!). Setting up the new box tonight reminds me why -- there's very little functional difference between the original box and the new one. The only thing that got me to buy a new one is the ability to watch and record HD... Too bad, really, because it could do lots more. The PS3 that sits next to it can stream movies from the disk server, play games, and browse the web. TiVo only records TV.

Party store this afternoon

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
Originally uploaded by Куртис Перри

I stopped at the party store for my usual lunch (Cool Ranch Doritos and a Diet Coke) and ended up behind three women buying lottery tickets.

They chatted amongst themselves about the numbers that "had to fall out" as if it were a certainty that every 4-digit number has it's scheduled date in the sunshine.

All three had attended the Obama rally the night before as they were showing off their t-shirts and buttons and discussing the price difference between items they bought inside the arena and outside (2 for $30 inside, 2 for $25 outside).

As they continued talking, they discussed a common friend who was considering taking a buyout from her employer -- she'd worked for the company for 10 years and they were offering $6000 for her to quit. 10 years seniority at a probably good paying job versus $6000 in this crappy Michigan economy. And they all believed she should take it!

As you can guess, I was standing there for quite awhile. Between the three of them, they probably dropped $150 on various combinations of lucky numbers. I have no understanding of how the Daily 3 or Daily 4 lottery can be played, but these women seemed to have all the code words mastered.

When I finally got back to the truck, I couldn't help but think about just how far away from their chosen presidential candidate these women were.

Spinning my wheels

Today was one of those days at the office where I got just about nothing accomplished. The day started off normally, but quickly went downhill as soon as my butt hit the chair.

The morning started off with a new employee coming into my office to find out how to edit a PDF. I told her Acrobat was installed on her machine and should be able to do that. "Yeah, but I don't know how." "I'm pretty sure there's a help menu."

Not 10 minutes later, she was back because of an error message when editing the PDF. The font used in the document isn't a standard font, so not installed on her machine. Acrobat won't let you edit the text without the font installed. I tell her she should contact the document author, find out the name of the font and where it can be purchased.

Another 10 minutes go by before she's back at my desk because she's now three applications away from her task and is completely confused. I ask if she's determined the font needed. Yes, Helvetica Neue. Well, it turns out the document is using Helvetica Neue Condensed, again, a non-standard font. Did you contact the author to find out where to buy the font? No, I found it on my system, but I get errors when I try to use it.

So, I follow her back to her office and watch her flail through applications, help menus, and pages of help docs she's printed out. She's frustrated, but won't listen to me ask her to walk me through what she's trying to do.

Let me pass along an IT tip: when the IT guy asks you to walk through what you're trying to do, STICK TO THE TASK AT HAND. You brought me down because you seemingly wanted my assistance, so let's start where I ask you to start. And when I ask you to do something, DO ONLY THAT. Don't go flipping through 3 applications and 2 help menus.

We finally established that it was not the laptop, the operating system, nor the application software that was at issue, but that this employee had clearly oversold their abilities to a gullible hiring manager. They'd never used the application in question and had absolutely no idea where to start.

After that was another newbie employee (sensing a trend here?) asking about some training for Access query training. I tell them that my day is looking grim at this point and I'd have to get back to them later in the week to set something up.

I dread doing the training. The training is largely pissing up a rope. The user has no idea what they're looking for, no experience working with databases, and doesn't seem like the kind of person that's going to be able to understand joins or result sets. I may be better off finding out what reports they're looking for and generating them myself.

We use Reporting Services, so I can design the report with parameter prompts for the user to fill in for their needs. Easy enough, we'll see if I get off that easily.

After that, it was an hour with my boss in my office, working through cost estimates and standards. We have one machine that works slightly different than all of our other machines. On most machines, one fed piece can generate either 1 or multiple "finished" pieces. On this machine, we have the ability to feed two pieces at a time and get two finished pieces out the other side.

We finally finish that work up around 1pm and I head to lunch. I really needed that hour alone 'cause the afternoon didn't look like it was going to get any better.

Back in the office, I did some quick tasks and was rejoined by my boss with a different issue. We find that there's a difference in the way an application processes things depending on who the user is. If she logs on, she gets one thing happening. When I log on, it works differently. We track it down to a setting on our server, but it's an application bug that needs to be reported to the vendor. It'll take a year to get a fix, so reporting it wasn't time critical.

Back to my own work for a bit, then a couple issues from another user on some screwy work done in their department. I fix up one and promise to take a look at the other.

Around 4pm, I get a call from a colleague at another company a few states away. We laugh about the absurdity that I've been dispatched to a couple customer sites in the last couple weeks. My personality isn't generally the face you want to present to customers. I remind him that I can be charming when I decide to be. He calls because he's got a question on some data imports that he wants to do and figured I'd be the guy to talk to.

Sure enough, I walk him through how we do tasks like that (we don't use the stuff he was looking at, but do similar stuff).

The problem when talking to this guy is that a simple question turns into an hour-long conversation. I love chatting with him though, 'cause he's always got the goods about everyone else using the enterprise software we have in common.

About 4:45, my boss returns but figures out I'm going to be on the phone for awhile (the bottle of windex in my hand, cleaning my desk was probably a good indicator). I tell her I'll stop down when I'm done. Oops, turns out that in our trouble-shooting, I've set her permissions to read-only throughout the software. Reset the permissions and take a few jabs about how a lesser person might be nervous about their status.

I completely miss a few calls from my coworker about an email issue we're still battling. I finally make it out of the office at 5:15 and head home.

I really hate days like this. Everything is busted into 10 minute chunks that mean you get absolutely no time to refocus on what it was you were working on before the last interruption. Let's hope Tuesday goes better...

In Lancaster, OH

Made it down to Lancaster, OH today with nearly no problems. The drive through Michigan was uneventful and most of Ohio went pretty smoothly. We ended up passing through Columbus, OH at rush hour and the GPS told us to get in the left lane, but apparently didn't mean THE left lane.

The GPS can use celebrity voices, so we traveled with Mr T as our guide this afternoon. "Turn Left in 100 yards, and don't give me no jibba-jabba" was funny, but "Turn Around Fool! Don't make me come out of this machine and kick your ass!" was even better.

Did Texas Roadhouse for dinner, it's as bad as I'd heard. Not recommended.

Realized a few minutes ago that I'd had NO sugar all day, so made an emergency run to the vending machine to fulfill my quota. I hope the guests on the first floor weren't hoping for refreshment, because I emptied their peanut M&M's and Diet Coke!

Up tomorrow bright and early to head to the customer site. We'll be training them on how to use our business system to run cost estimates. My job is to go through a complete cost estimate for them, showing how the costs are derived. Not sure it's fair that they get it spoonfed while I had to spent 7 years learning the twisted machinations involved, but there we are!

Time flies!

Looked back at the archive of posts here and found that roughly 1 year ago at this time, we were ankle deep in water from a busted water heater.

Sure doesn't feel like a year ago!

So Unlike Me

I hope everyone will indulge me for just a moment. I need to do something that goes completely against my personality. Certainly the personality that I share with each of you here so infrequently.

I'm feeling a need to rant about random people I've never even met for just a moment.

I know, you're shocked. "Where is this coming from?!" you may be asking yourself.

Today's post is meant specifically for those smarmy minivan drivers that have decided that it's not enough for the world to know that little Suzy made the 9th grade honor roll. After all, they've been unceremoniously shoved down the slippery slope of moral supremacy by the 18-34 male demographic proudly acknowledging that either they've (a) knocked up said honor student, or (b) supplied them with illegal drugs.

What's a frustrated suburban housewife to do in such impossible circumstances? Why not advertise the whole stinking BROOD on the rear window!



Am I supposed to feel a little twinge in my heart, viewing their collected happiness displayed for the world? The rest of us can tell that it's chemically induced -- when's the last time you've seen a normal person with a smile set 30 degrees off to the side of their face?

Should I be overjoyed that little Suzy FINALLY has a little sister and a dog? I mean, it's been 18 months since they had little Bobby and the neighbors are starting to talk! (It should be noted that the baby sticker seems a bit gender inspecific. Am I supposed to be rolling down my window to inquire as to the whether the latest "miracle" is a boy or girl?)

Me? I'm struggling just to find the right level of concern about who'll look after the cat while the family is pulling themselves from the twisted mass of minivan after barrel-rolling into the ditch.

Now that I think about it...

We were watching the Wings / Avs hockey game the other night when Lynn turns to me and says:

"How cool is it that those guys get to fight at work?!"

I love this girl!

Traveling fool

It's been quiet at home, which makes up for the chaotic situations at work. Last week, I spent 2 days in St. Paul, MN working on a data exchange project for a customer. This week I've been in the office. Next week, I'll be spending a day in Lancaster, OH doing some training for a new customer.

It's strange to have all of this travel going on. In the 8 or 9 years I've done IT work for my employer, I don't think I've ever traveled to a customer site. Now, in the span of a month, I'll be making three trips (one is another data exchange project, but the customer's here in town).

Peaks and valleys, I suppose. Or maybe a sign of things to come as business starts expanding. No real way to tell at this point, but I'm enjoying my trips.

Weekly update

Sorry for the absence, boys and girls. I was on a 5-state tour at the end of last week and didn't get around to posting like I should have.

I left on Wednesday around 10:30am and by 11am realized that I'd forgotten my cell phone on the dresser. I contemplated turning around for it, but decided I'd make do without it. Beyond making Lynn nervous about my being on the road without it, it wasn't a problem going without.

By noon, I'd made the Indiana border. By 1pm, I was downtown Chicago. Lots and lots of toll roads later, I finally hit Wisconsin around 3pm. I made one stop in Benton Harbor for gas, another at the Belvidere Oasis (about a half-hour from the Wisconsin border) for a potty break and lunch.

Have you ever been so cramped up needing to pee that you're actually disappointed by how little ends up coming out? I mean, for that much pain you expect to have GALLONS waiting to be unleashed. Overflowing urinals and gasping patrons were what I'd imagined on my hobbling trip into the bathroom.

Next stop was at the Wisconsin Dells. I didn't get much past the closest gas station by the highway, so I have no idea if there's more to the place than the water slides and hotels. Looks like a tourist trap kind of place to me.

Finally made it to St Paul around 8pm and realized that I'd printed directions to the customer's plant but nothing for the hotel. Luckily, it was extremely close and I didn't have any problems getting there.

The software installation at the plant went fine. I think their IT guy was a little skeptical that I'd be able to have them setup in 2 days, but I was finished in about 6 hours of on-site work between those two days. Easy peasy, and another small inflation to my ego.

The drive back took alot longer. It seemed like I just couldn't get any momentum going. First, a gas stop, then a snack stop, then I decide I hate hitting Scan on the radio so I decide a stop for an iPod. Yeah, that's how my life works.. an iPod is an "I feel like..." decision...

HERE IS THE SHOCKER: I WENT INSIDE A WALMART.

My 37-year streak is dead. I succumbed to the pressure. I wanted an iPod so bad, I finally gave up on finding a Target store (it'd easily been 10 exits that were devoid of civilized stores) and visited a friggin' Walmart.

It was everything I feared it would be.

If you have any doubt about a US obesity epidemic, visit a Walmart. If you doubt that a vast portion of this fine country doesn't have adequate dental coverage, visit a Walmart. If you have any doubt that the illiterate are far out-breeding the educated in this country, visit a Walmart.

I shit you not, I watched a minimum wage clerk spend 20 minutes on the phone trying to activate a cell phone for an Amigo-cart driving fatso with a "These Colors Don't Run" trucker cap. I believe the problem may have been the sausage fingers she was using to hit buttons. When the instructions say hit 7, that doesn't mean 7-and-all-the-buttons-around-it.

I got my iPod and scurried out of there before store security caught me and "tagged" me with a blow dart like a nature documentary. I've taken three showers since getting home, just trying to scrub that experience from my body.

In the parking lot, I climbed back into my truck, pulled out the laptop, synced the iPod and burned rubber getting out of there.

From there on, the trip went really quickly. Wisconsin seems to stretch on forever, but once you escape that state, Illinois goes quickly and Indiana is over before you know it. There was a nice fog over Chicago that completely obscured Gary, IN on the way through. Was kind of nice!

Talked Lynn into taking the brand new iPod (just 6 hours old!) and I ordered the size I really wanted online. Thank god I don't have to walk around knowing I was listening to a WALMART IPOD!

What the hell?

Happy Birthday to my one and only

To my photogenic,


not easily surprised,


and completely wonderful wife, Lynn,


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I've been lucky enough to be around for 16 of her many, many, MANY birthdays and I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend every day with.

Shopping in person sucks!

I got another hint this weekend that I'm far better off doing my shopping online. We were heading home from the mall (after buying me a spring jacket) and were starting to pass Michael's craft store. I asked Lynn to stop and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"Seriously?!"

"Yup, I need a paper cutter."

So, inside we went to pick up a paper cutter to trim 8-1/2 x 11" sheets of photo paper down to 8 x 10" crops to fit into the frames she'd picked up a few weeks ago.

The cutter took all of two minutes to find, but we wandered the store for a couple more because Lynn was on the hunt for something they apparently didn't carry.

Upon reaching the front of the store, I realize that I've way overpacked for this trip -- I brought ALL my chromosomes to the store.

"This place is like the Island of Misfit Toys!" I hissed into Lynn's ear.

She laughed and walked away. I think she knew my seething was just about to begin.

I looked around and realized I was surrounded by gap-toothed, mouth-breathing troglodytes. Trapped, I tell you!

I kept my mouth shut as I waited in line, silently handed my purchase to the cashier and awaited my total. $43 and some cents. I handed her $45.

"ZIP code please."

"It's C.A.S.H."

"I know, but it's asking."

Ah, the silent IT. Nothing is within an employee's power any longer, it's all "IT"s fault.

Now, a RATIONAL person would have sensed the shotgun-wielding possibility in my voice. But no, not this corporate automaton. She needed the ZIP code and wasn't having anything to do with trying to skip that prompt on her register.

"I really couldn't care what IT wants. I really don't even care what you type in to IT. All I want is my change back and I'm getting pretty negotiable on that by this point too."

Lynn had already slunk out of the store to fetch the getaway vehicle and meet me at the door. I think she believed she might be able to escape the brunt of it, but I was still smoldering by the time I got to the car with my paper cutter.

ARGH!

Monday stuff

I realize that I walk around with a lot of trivialities stuck in my head, but I didn't realize just how many until Lynn and I were talking about something tonight.

The conversation started off with her wondering where the University of Memphis is located. I told her Tennessee, and felt like I had about a 90% chance of being right. She said she'd heard talk on the radio about Memphis last week, something about MLK Jr's assassination.

"Yes, he was shot outside a hotel in Memphis. The anniversary was last Friday." I told her. "Actually, that's not true. It was a motel, not a hotel."

That started a discussion about the difference between a hotel and a motel. And the realization that I have too much crap floating in my head.

The picture in my head of the shooting had MLK on the second floor balcony and there were doors to the outside, so I explained that motels had doors on the outside and hotels have doors on the inside.

Lynn's definitional difference was that motels only had one floor.

Nope, MLK was shot at a motel, on the 2nd floor.

So, we hit the 'net for the tie-breaking vote -- sure enough, it's the location of the doors that determines whether you're looking at a hotel or motel.

Now if only I could get her to understand that pine trees really DO grow in rows...

Why Amazon is winning

I stopped at Barnes & Noble during my lunch hour on Wednesday to pick up a book I wanted for a new project. The computer reference section has shrunken dramatically over the last couple years, but since it has been a popular title for years, I figured they'd have a copy in stock.

No such luck.

I picked up a couple other books that looked interesting and went to the checkout. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Nope, you don't seem to carry the book I actually wanted." "Well, if you know the title, I can order it and it'll arrive in a few days." "Nope, really needed it today, so I'll go to Schuler's Books for it."

I stopped at Schuler's Books after work, same crappy selection there (and same shrunken computer section). I escaped without making any "sympathy purchases" to console myself.

When I got home, I popped onto Amazon to buy the book. The website pointed out that if I ordered in the next 38 minutes, it'd be on my doorstep tomorrow. Done!

A dwindling selection is NOT the way to keep people coming into your store. Slow shipment is also NOT the way to keep people slightly happy.

Now, why is it that Amazon can ship my book all the way across the country overnight, but Barnes & Noble can't get a book in stock in the same amount of time?

Barnes & Noble has at least 3 locations within a 50-mile radius of my office. No offer to check the other stores and have it shipped to the nearest one quickly? Given the saturation of stores, there must be a distribution center within a day's drive. No offer to have it there the next day for me? No offer to order it from their online store for overnight delivery?

Schuler's online book shop is nearly straight out of 1995. They don't do their own online store, instead relying on Booksense to do it for them. Searching for the software title I'm using gets me a page of 5 year old books -- why not the most current at the top? Once I finally find the version I'm looking for, I'm told it's 1-5 days for shipping. This is a store that needs to either catch up or die. I frankly don't care which, because even when I go to brick and mortar stores it's still my second choice...

Yeah, Amazon got my money this time. And probably again in the future too.

Spring in Michigan

Ended up talking to a nice Ottawa County Sheriff's Department officer tonight on my way home. It seems that where M6 and I96 merge, I ended up kicking up a rock into someone's windshield.

The "victim" was behind me at the exit ramp, flashing his lights. I pulled in to the gas station next to the highway, since that's my normal stop for pop and smokes.

The "victim" pulled in behind me and jumped out of his car.

"You going to pay my deductible for taking out my windshield with your move back there or do you want me to call the cops?" He was a little pissy already, always a good way to start a negotiation.

"The move where I was on the shoulder of the highway because of the semi blocking my access to the lane?"

"Yeah, you took out my windshield."

I looked at the windshield, but didn't see anything.

"Call the police."

I went inside to get my stuff and came back out. He'd backed his car away to a different area of the parking lot and was sitting inside. Stewing in his own juices, I imagine.

I stood by the truck, smoking a cigarette. Wishful thinking that the police would be there in a few minutes. After 30 minutes, I was sitting in the truck when the officer arrived.

He talked to the "victim" first, then came over to ask what had happened. I explained the merge, admitted to passing on the left because of the truck. He tells me that it's a bad merge area, they have lots of people that have difficulty merging there and then tells me that there's really nothing to be done here. He'll write a report but there's no accident, no accident report, and the "victim" will just need to turn it in to his insurance.

I ask the officer if there's any liability for me, as a driver, when someone claims I put a rock in their windshield. Nope, Michigan's a no-fault state, so the guy's on his own. Apart from the bad pass, I did nothing wrong.

He takes my license, insurance and registration so he can write his report and comes back about 5 minutes later. He'd already sent the other guy on his way (likely to go home and kick his dog, yell at his kids and beat his wife -- righteous indignation like that doesn't spring up over a rock in a windshield, that takes PRACTICE!).

He gives me back my paperwork and tells me that the other guy was still ticked and that I did the right thing by having the police called.

I tell him that I'd have thought the guy would have gotten over his anger by now, but he says he was still upset when he gave him the report number and explained that the chip in the windshield was between him and his insurance company. I tell him the guy was pissy when he pulled up behind me and that I wasn't going to argue with him. If he felt that strongly about it and wasn't going to be reasoned with, I'd let a cop do it.

All of this is extremely funny to me because just hours before, on my way to the dentist's office, I got a chip in MY windshield from the wonderful Michigan roads. To think I could have made someone else suffer over it for even just a little while. How dare I simply sigh and accept Spring in Michigan?!

Butterflies are Blooming!

_MG_1389
Originally uploaded by sphilp1225

I'd never been to Meijer Gardens for their annual butterfly event, but it sounded intriguing enough this year to get me out of bed at 7am for an 8am breakfast and a 9am garden tour.

I gotta say, it's pretty neat. And thanks to Mom and Dad's membership at the Gardens, free too!

The place was pretty busy and there were tons of people hauling a LOT of expensive camera equipment around. Lots of point-n-shoots too, for that matter.

In preparation, Lynn and I visited Norman Camera on Saturday so I could pick up a macro lens for the camera. I settled on the Canon 180mm f/3.5L USM and judging from the results of the day, I think it does a pretty good job in my less-than-capable hands.

Lynn and I both imported the day's photos and did our own editing of the pics, so you can choose hers or mine for a gentle reminder that spring is on it's way!

Final eviction notice on our neighbor's door

Final eviction notice on our neighbor's door
Originally uploaded by sphilp1225

As an ending to our story from a few weeks ago, the Final Eviction notice was posted to our neighbor's door on Wednesday. They'd moved out a week or so ago, so the notice was hanging on the door for quite awhile. Lots of interest from people walking in the neighborhood though!

It's amazing how much quieter the apartment is with them gone.

Latest TV series on DVD -- Tell Me You Love Me -- and other movies

HBO usually does shows that catch me in some way, luring me in. Even if the first episode doesn't do it, by the second or third, I'm hooked. No such luck with their latest DVD release, Tell Me You Love Me - Season 1.

The show is about 4 couples, one in their 20's and struggling to commit, one in their 30's and struggling with the possibility of changing from a couple to a family with kids, one in their 40's trying to get back together in bed, and one in their 70's working their way through a long-lost love.

When it originally aired, HBO had a bit of a firestorm on their hands because of the explicit depiction of sex. All the usual boobs and bushes are there, along with a few shots of weiners. This show veers as close to porn film as you're likely to see on the network. The sex is certainly convincing -- the fake weiners in the sex scenes aren't.

My biggest problem with the series is that all of the characters seem so completely selfish and tone-deaf about relationships. There are so many opportunities for each of the couples to deal with their issues if they'd just SAY what they felt. Instead, most episodes end up frustrating ME as much as the characters.

The only couple that seems to deal well with their issues are the 70-year-olds. Of course, the woman in the relationship is the psychologist that all of the rest of the couples are seeing. Her long-lost love is dealt with frankly and openly between the two and they're all the better for it. Neither are trying to hurt the other with their actions, unlike most of the characters.

I bought the series and slogged my way through 10 hours of it just so you don't have to... Ugh.

I've got American Gangster, We Own the Night, The Bourne Ultimatum, Michael Clayton, 3:10 to Yuma, and the 1st Season of The Tudors still on the desk to watch.

We also picked up the 90-movie box set from United Artists when we stopped at Barnes & Noble on Saturday. Lynn and I just started on. On Sunday night we watched The Woman in the Window and Red River. Both were well worth watching. We've still got 88 movies to see (we're both excited for lots of older movies we've heard of but never seen -- 12 Angry Men, Judgement at Nuremburg, Rocky, The Pink Panther, Annie Hall, etc, etc).

Day 3 (2/23/08): Xel Ha eco-park

The entire week in Mexico, we conked out around 9pm and woke up around 6:30 or 7:00am. Anyone who knows me knows what a strange time schedule that truly is.

On Day 3, we decided to head over to the mainland via ferry and visit the ecological theme park Xel Ha. This isn't a theme park like Disney or Cedar Point, mostly because the theme isn't "rides that will make you puke". Here, the theme is water -- snorkeling, dolphins, ocean views, cliff jumping and kayaking.

We dealt with the hotel concierge the night before to book the trip, and it was the first time we'd ever felt leery about something during the trip.

I'm used to concierges who do what the client wants because they're looking for a really good tip from the client. That's a GOOD concierge. They're going to do everything to make you happy because they want to be paid.

At this resort (and really, we found it everywhere we went in Mexico), people do work for you only because they're getting a commission from someone. The taxi drivers drop you off at the shopping center because they get paid to do that, not because that's where you used to be dropped off. The waiter will tell you that he knows a good place to rent a jeep because he gets a commission, not because it's a good deal for you.

With all that said, we told the concierge that we wanted to visit Xel Ha. She booked us on the tour and told us that we'd need to be in the lobby at 7:15am to get a taxi to the ferry terminal downtown, then hop the 8:00am ferry to Playa del Carmen. We'd need to pay for the taxi and the ferry in addition to the tour cost. Oh, and they needed a deposit tonight. You pay the rest of the fee to a guy you meet on the street downtown. Oh, and they can't take credit cards, just cash.

Lesson for future travelers: Mexico IS a third world country that hasn't yet learned to cater to tourists. Cash is the only thing they know, and AMERICAN cash is the only thing they'll willingly accept. They WILL screw you six ways to Sunday on the exchange rate.

Up at 7:00 to grab a quick breakfast, then to the lobby for a taxi to the terminal. We meet a nice young lady at the terminal who gives us "official-looking" stickers for our shirts so we can be easily picked out of the crowd on the other side. We buy our ferry tickets (cash only, again), and get on the UltraMar ferry to Playa del Carmen.

The 40ish minute ride went easily enough and we were dumped off in Playa del Carmen.

A look to the right:




And the left:





We met up with our next tour guide and walked through Playa del Carmen. In the early morning, it's a pretty place. Cute storefronts and great colors. At night, it's a freakin' disaster area with people shouting at you to buy their crap and visit their tiny little stores. I like the morning vibe a lot better.

Random shots of Playa del Carmen:














After walking down the streets for a bit, we finally met up with the van driver and Jim went off to pay for the tour. They COULD take credit cards, but the whole operation was piggy-backed off some random card reader at some hole-in-the-wall bar. Jim was the best choice to leave on his own -- you really wouldn't want to attempt kidnapping the guy. We speculated that if they tried, they'd turn him back over to us in an hour or so with him telling them that they'd better take a good look at his face 'cause it's the last one they'll ever see.

Just in case, we took a picture of the license plate of our van. It was pointed out that the picture would do little good since both the camera and I were both in the getaway vehicle. Still, it's good to have "just in case".




Once we were loaded in the van, everything went as smoothly as possible. They drove us the half-hour from the terminal to the eco-park, gave us our wristbands (everything seems to be run on wristbands in Mexico -- our resort had one, Xel Ha had one, a couple other places put them on us as well), and turned us loose for the day.

Xel Ha is pretty damned cool. It's an all-inclusive thing meaning that all of your food and drinks are covered. It seems expensive at first (we paid $80 for the tour), but you'd easily drop that much per person at any other amusement park once you start buying food and drinks.

When you first walk in, there's a gift shop on one side and a map of the place on the other. I ducked into the gift shop immediately to buy a hat. After laying out on the beach the previous day, even my HAIR hurt to touch. The hat proved a constant companion for the rest of the trip.

Mary had wanted nothing else on this trip than to swim with the dolphins, and swim she did! We dropped her off at the Dolphin gift shop and parked our asses at the closest viewing spot to take pics. I've never seen such a blissful smile, but she was in heaven being in the water with those dolphins!





As she was doing the "Superman" with the dolphins, we were busy taking pictures. We couldn't figure out why she didn't put her arms out like the other swimmers, though.

Compare:




with Mary:




We later found out that as the dolphins pushed her up and out of the water by her feet, that her swimsuit bottoms were getting pulled down her legs! The look on her face is priceless, just the fear that there was going to be a whole different kind of show taking place if she didn't grab those bottoms in a hurry!

She did make up with the dolphins soon after, getting a nice hug from one of them:




The dolphin experience goes for about 45 minutes, so while Mary was finishing up Jim, James, Stacey and I went up to the bar for beer. Free beer! What an awesome experience!




The rest of the group headed off to do snorkeling while I wandered the park taking pictures (I'm not good a breathing through a tube yet, so snorkeling didn't do much for me).

The park is gorgeous. Lots of smallish areas so you don't feel like you're in a big crowd. Apart from the main areas, I was largely off by myself for the day.





I found the parrots and babied them for awhile:













Wandered around the other side of the dolphin area, watching them beg for their feeding:







And found my favorite animal picture of the entire day. The park is stuffed with iguanas, stretching out in the sun and shade all over the walkways and rockways around the park. This little guy's photo is going on my wall:




There's a small kayak area called the Black Lagoon that was more like Sanitation Pond. There wasn't much to the area and it was HOT back there.



Nice coral and shells in the rockways, though:








Walking through the jungle path, I eventually found my ideal retirement home:



And just beyond the rise, ocean front. Nearly desolate (there was one woman sleeping in the shade of the umbrella):







The beach was finely crushed coral by the umbrellas, but became much more rugged as I headed south toward the main area of the park.






The huts in the distance on the right side are the ocean front near the main area of the park:







Coral, a long way from the sea...










Until finally, you reach the oceanfront area near the main area of the park:




As you round the corner, heading inland, you come into the inlet where the park provides snorkeling:







By this point, I was hot and tired of walking. While the ocean front has a nice steady breeze coming in, the jungle kills most of that off a few hundred yards in. There, it's just hot sun. Luckily, I found my way back to the bar for some beer and Diet Coke (or, Coke Light, as they call it).

I met up with the rest of the group and found out I'd missed nearly half the park, but took them for the walk out to the ocean at sunset:







And some shell hunting:










And, a small explanation from Mary about my retirement home... it's apparently a changing house. As we discovered when taking this picture (notice they guy near the rear of the house looking a little concerned at the guy with the big-ass camera lens pointed at him):




You'll notice that Lynn has been missed completely in these photos, and in the description of the day. That's because she opted to stay behind and sip banana daiquiris on the resort's beach. She did have better luck than I did that day, one of the waiters asked her out.

Still, the scenery at the park wasn't bad:







To be fair, I did get an EVIL glare from this young lady's mother for taking a picture of her precious snowflake's tush...





The van ride back to the ferry terminal was quiet, I think everyone was completely exhausted. We made it back to the hotel around 9pm, had a late dinner, then hit the sack to prepare for the next day.

Damn You, Mary!!!

The filter end of the cigarette above is the result of my wonderful, charming, gracious Aunt Mary. At some point during the Dervish concert at Fenian's Pub, Miss Mary thought it would be HILARIOUS to turn all of the cigarettes in my pack around. Once discovered, she turned HALF of them back around.

I made it until this evening before unthinkingly lighting one of them. The result was a ball of flame and a string of expletives from my mouth.

I hope she enjoys the picture as much as I enjoy her pranks! :)

Sorry

Day 3 is taking a bit to put up, mostly because I have about 350 shots to pick though, edit, and post to Flickr before I can write the post. Hang in for a couple days and we'll get to it.

Day 2 (2/22/08): Being lazy

We were spending the week at our resort at a heavily discounted rate because they would like us to buy into a timeshare program. Our brief meeting at the airport with Oliver was intended to setup our breakfast and briefing to hear about the program.

After breakfast, and about 45 minutes of hearing about the benefits of purchasing, we finally got down to numbers. Lynn and I try to take at least one major vacation each year, along with a second smaller one. With the house, that wasn't always possible. With the apartment, it'll be much more feasible. So, the timeshare company was offering us some number of "points" that could be redeemed for 14 nights a year for the low, low price of $19,900. Payable on the spot, or across monthly payments of $300 for the next 10 years.

Um, yeah. NO!

Conceptually, it makes sense. When we go on vacation, we have a GOOD time and spend lots of money for food and sightseeing. Realistically, the last number I'd heard was that timeshare programs are typically worth about 40% of their purchase price when you eventually decide to get out.

I'm assuming they get "no" alot, because there wasn't any pressure to reconsider, see it a different way, or crunch numbers further. We went on our merry way and weren't bothered by anyone for the remainder of our visit.

We finished up the presentation portion of the day pretty early, so we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon relaxing on the beach at the resort.

Being the macho, manly man that I am, I turned Lynn down when offered the SPF 30 sunblock. Bad move. I managed to burn my chest, shoulders and the top of my head pretty badly. It wasn't MAJOR pain, but enough to be uncomfortable for the next couple days.

Here's the pool area, with the ocean behind it:




The beach area:




and the left side of the beach area (it had the snorkel/mask/fins area and most importantly, the BAR!):




We all did a bit of snorkeling, but mostly just soaked up the sun (the cruise ship in the background looks really close in this shot, but it was easily a few hundred yards out):







After getting as much sunbathing in as we thought we could stand, we grabbed some lunch at the resort then headed next door to the International Terminal and Senor Frog's.

The International Terminal is one of two piers for cruise ships. The other is located downtown. Most days there were two cruise ships arriving in the morning, leaving early evening. They're amazingly quiet, just slipping in and vomiting passengers onto the pier. They're also amazingly huge. Although they dock right in front of the resort, it didn't have any impact on the swimming and snorkeling areas and they were pretty to look at in water.

A really weird rescued shot from my camera. The room was air-conditioned, but it was pretty humid outside. Lynn took this one before the mist cleared up, but iPhoto was able to turn it into this pretty cool shot:




Senor Frog's gets loud when it's time for people to start heading back aboard their ships. We got there around 5pm to find the most awesome conga line in the world taking place. As the music is playing, there's people in a line around the restaurant. In at least a couple places along the line, bartenders are pouring shots into people's waiting mouths:







They also have MUCH better shot girls, where you can get your shot and felt up (and what we jokingly referred to as the "cheapest handjob in town") for just $3.

Pouring the shot:




Drinking the shot:




Tweak of the "nips":




And either a boob grab:




Or a crotch rub:




Here's the whole group at Senor Frog's:




After the quick beer at Senor Frog's at the pier, we headed downtown to poke around and ended up at another Senor Frog's for another beer, a dance, and some balloon hats from the raunchiest clown around:













One end of the bar features a number of clotheslines of "forgotten" panties:




And the dance floor hosted what I'm pretty sure was a newly divorced woman getting felt up by college guys young enough to be her sons:







James and Lynn were in charge of procuring Cuban cigars for our "last night in paradise", and were promptly led in to the Cohiba store in downtown:




Once again, exhausted by 9pm and thus ended day 2.

Day 1 (2/21/08): Flight and arrival in Cozumel

Lynn and I both had Wednesday off for time to pack and clean things up before we left. We headed up to Rockford around 5pm for dinner at the Corner Bar, then spent the night at Jim and Mary's so we could all travel to the airport in one vehicle.

Despite the early bedtime, 2:30am rolled around pretty quickly. We got everything loaded into James' Suburban and headed to the airport. Check-in went smoothly and by 5:30am we were headed to Houston on the first leg of our flight. After a short layover in Houston, we took for Cozumel.

The flight attendant managed to completely screw up the forms required for Mexican immigration, so we ended up filling them out twice. Third world airports are something completely special. The runway is carved out of a bit of the jungle and from my quick inspection, seems to be missing lots of asphalt. Still, I didn't get nearly as much of an upset stomach on the landing that Lynn did. Once on the ground, we got of the plane straight onto the tarmac.

The border control line went quickly, since we spent most of the time filling out new forms. Through border control, we headed to immigration for an x-ray scan of the luggage, then into the arrivals area.

The arrivals area is your first clue that you're NOT in the US anymore. People everywhere are shouting for your attention for their tours, shuttles, and most importantly, their time share deals. Someone noticed our names on a piece of paper outside, so we met our host, Oliver, arranged for a meeting time the next morning, then headed to the hotel in a shuttle van.

Jim and Mary, James and Stacey ended up with rooms next to each other on the 10th floor, Lynn and I a one-bedroom on the 1st floor. The rooms are laid out as suites, so the 10th floor group actually had three bedrooms (each with a room number) and a common "living" area complete with couches, television, patio, and kitchen. Our room was a single bedroom with a living area.

The view from our patio:










The view from the 10th floor ain't bad either:




First up, of course, was a round of "Welcome to Cozumel" drinks at the resort bar. We all put down a shot of tequila to start the week.

Mary:




Stacey:




Jim:




And Lynn:




Last stop of the night was Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville for a drink:




and paper pirate hats for everyone:










And a shot for Jim:




By 9pm we were all bushed and headed back to the hotel to rest up for day 2.

We're Home!

Got back to Grand Rapids late tonight and I'm still working importing and touching up the 1200 or so shots we took. I'll have the day-by-day up soon, but here's something to tide you all over...

I'm out, like parachute pants and moon boots

My email has now been set to auto-respond with an "out of office" message.

Forwarding of email to my BlackBerry has been turned off. So has my morning alarm and the ringer.

Later this afternoon, I'll be powering down the home computer network.

The iPod is loaded and charged.

Camera equipment has been charged and tested and stowed in a new bag.

Clothes have been packed.

I'm ready. Oh so ready.

This has been one of the few vacations where I've ever participated in the countdown ritual, but it's also one of the few where I can just feel the need to be somewhere else.

We're flying out Thursday morning and won't be back until late the following Tuesday. Just enough time to decompress, imbibe, and wander.

Apparently, word hasn't gotten out

There is NO CRYING in politics.

Please pass it along.